Many women have the frustrating experience of going out with a guy on one or a few dates, thinking that things go well between the two of them, and then having that guy suddenly stop calling and disappear. It is probably not a big deal when it happens with one or two guys, but if that is your experience with men over and over, it is hard to not take this personally and not start believing that there is something about you that turns men off and makes those men lose interest in you. While every dating situation and every interaction between people is unique and different and thus the reasons behind the guy losing interest are just as different, there are several common causes of that loss of interest beyond the typical “no chemistry” situation and the very common situation where the guy is simply not interested in dating one woman and he is driven toward sexual novelty and varierty regardless of who he meets today.
The following are the six top reason why guys lose interest and what you can do to eliminate those possible causes of losing interest and thus increase your chances of retaining the guy's interest and desire to be with you for a longer time:
1. You are not attractive enough. It is a cruel fact but a very true fact that if a woman is not physically attractive enough, there will still be guys who will be willing to go out with her but that won't usually last. While there is only so much we can do to improve our looks and be more attractive, there is one major step that a woman can take to become more attractive – losing weight. This is not to say that the woman who doesn't have excess weight should lose weight and be thinner – no, that's not the point. The very interesting fact is this: if you are not overweight – if your body is reasonably lean and/or tones, chances are that unless there is some disfigurement in your face or body, you are probably attractive and sexually desirable for most guys. If you are overweight, it is critically important that you start losing weight and building a more attractive body. This will have all kinds of positive consequences on your life – from health benefits, having more energy, more confidence and of course – more attention from men. In short, losing weight and having a more attractive body will change and improve every single moment of your life. There are simply no reasons to wait and postpone achieving this goal any longer.
2. You talk too much. No matter how smart a person is, if he dominates a conversation, he will boring and even tiring to the other person. I and my friends met some incredibly beautiful women over the course of our dating lives, but we simply couldn't stand being around some of them because they simply wouldn't stop talking and wouldn't shot up. While it's obvious when someone else talks a lot, it's not nearly as noticeable when you have to evaluate your own conversational habits. Thus, I encourage you to ask your friends whether they think you talk too much or interrupt their conversation or otherwise dominate your interaction. Encourage them to be honest and not tell you what you want to hear, but instead – tell you how it is.
3. You are too uptight. This girls told me once on the phone that she couldn't meet me because her car broke down, to which I replied: “Well, that's what happens when you let women drive.” Instead of laughing at the comment as most women would, she got angry, thought I was serious, hung up on me and later demanded an apology. Few things are bigger turn-offs and are more unattractive than a woman who can't take a joke and who says “Ahh, how dare you!” instead of laughing at an inappropriate comment or a sexual innuendo and dishing one of her own. Dark humor, sarcasm and sexual comments are a spice life and love life for every interesting, ambitious guys. If you are interesting in dating and having a relationship with one, you should consider stopping to take yourself too seriously, open your mind and enjoy dark humor, rather than being intimidated by it or judge it.
4. You are boring. If you don't have much to say, thoughts to share and ways to respond with to what the guy says, thinks and believes in, you are not going to catch a great guy's interest for very long. Boring dates feel like a torture, and no one is interested in going into one or sticking around when they realize that they have to push the conversation to simply fill the time. Surely there is no shortcut to become a more interesting person, but there is a great, long-term solution – you started learning more things about yourself, about your environment and the world. TV, magazines, books, meeting new people, watching shoes, and engaging in social events will give you much more material to think about and form your views on. Surely, there is a lot of junk out there on TV and in magazines, but there is also lots of good material, and it is your duty to choose and “filter” the bad stuff out. As you become a more interesting woman, this will go far beyond improving your dating life and will make you much more attractive and interesting to your friends, and co-workers, and will likely create new social and professional opportunities for you that you didn't even think existed and were available to you.
5. You are excessively independent/feminist. For many women it's a life crusade showing and proving to guys and to themselves that they can be all a man can and more in every way. I fully support equality and full opportunities for women. However, when it comes at the account of femininity and elegance – women pay a high price of becoming very unattractive to the opposite sex. It's a fundamental law of nature that masculine, confident, attractive men are attracted to the opposite – feminine women – women who possess a feminine voice, walk, and manners. Don't take me wrong. I would never suggest that a woman should stay home and cook and clean. This is not what it is about. A woman can be very educated and successful and still retain her femininity and be proud of being a woman. Stop hiding the fact that you are different from guys. You are and it's good news – good for you and for men. There is a saying “Bitches get corner office.” I seriously doubt it. Part ot being professional and romantically successful has alweays been being a lady, and being a lady and a “bitch” are mutually exclusive.
6. You are a victim of your past – many women have a bad relationship with a guy who is controlling and possessive at least once in their lives. Breaking up with such a guy feels like a very liberating experience – like putting more air in your lungs, like letting your tied wings go free, if you will. A woman who undergoes such a bad relationship in which she submitted to the guy's control and possessiveness, jumps into another extreme with the other guys that she meets later. She makes it a point to show to every guy she meets that she is not going to “obey” him and do what she wants. She will do the opposite from what the guys asks or suggests just for the sake of showing that no one can tell her what to do, and that she decides what she does for herself. This is unfortunate because it creates unnecessary problems and challenges in communication. If you believe that you create such challenges in your interaction with men, you should do your best to not let your past negative experience with a jealous guy affect your present and future interactions with men.
7. You are not a good sex partner. Many women either ruin the romantic tension and the connection with the guy in bed. Few women act in a way that will make sleeping with them a great, memorable experience that the guy is eager to repeat. Some of the big turn-offs for guys are women who are either too quiet in bed (not making any sounds that would indicate their enjoyment and would look like they are bored), or those who talk too much, or say something inappropriate and irrelevant at the very wrong time. Not many women know what they are doing with their hands and their mouth when it comes to the man's body. If a man had a mediocre experience sleeping with you for the first time, he is unlikely to want to do that again.
This might sound extreme, but I truly believe that there is no better way to learn how to be a better sex partner than by observation. Thus, I urge you to not be afraid to rent erotic or even quality pornographic movies that will inspire you and will give you some great ideas on how to make your sexual experience more sensational and satisfying to both you and the guy. Make no mistake about it – this kind of skill is not common, and your guy, especially if he has “been around the block” will appreciate it because he knows that this is not common.
It is impossible to fully protect yourself from dating a guy who will lose interest in you at any point. However, by paying attention to the above six possible issues that you might be having in your interactions with guys, you will dramatically improve the chances of keeping any guy's interest and coming across as a more attractive and desirable woman.